Went to bed at 4:30 am up again at 6:30am.
Got up, got myself a coffee, planned my day in my head. Get a shower, get daughter out of bed and head out to Tim’s and vape store. I wanted to transplant the lettuce I have started in my hydroponic garden and get new ones planted.
So far, the shower has been pushed back twice, I am now debating going back to bed for a nap before I shower. Let’s see how this day plays out. The struggle is real, and I do not understand it at all. I am trying, I really am, yet here I sit. I did do a grocery order from Walmart, just remembered that so no bed until that arrives. I am tired.
Went to bed and had a 2-hour sleep. Got up and got daughter up and went to vape store and Tim’s. Came back, had a coffee and sat for a bit then decided it was time that I forced myself into the shower. So I sit here now all showered and clean. Kitchen is tidied and dishes done (kid did it while I showered) and I am hoping to at least get at the plants at some point this evening. I also threw a load of laundry in the wash. The rest can wait.
Made supper, got my plants done, stripped and washed bedding, and made my bed. Drank a sleepy time tea at 11pm and have been sitting with low light and no tv since then. The plan plan is to go to bed at 12. Hoping for a good night sleep.
Went to bed at 12am brain would not shut off, wandering from one thought to another. Then the itch started and finally got back up at 12:35am. Will try again in a bit.
Anxiety is so bad, over nothing really, I know this, and I am working hard to keep it at bay but its creeping in, heck no it is roaring in like a lion. I hate this feeling so much. It is hard not to feel defeated, tears flow. Whatever is going on with me truly sucks. With the lack of sleep, who is to say if it is that or the new meds are finally in my system, but it is beginning to feel like both depression and anxiety are ramping up. I try not to feel sorry for myself. I try so damn hard every single day to help myself. It is moments like this that it is difficult to not feel defeated. I will however go now and put headphones on and listen to a meditation with my fan blowing on me and my breathing in the nose and out the mouth.
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