I haven't written anything for a few days. Its not that there isn't anything to write, I am just tired. I am sitting here waiting on a phone appointment with my NP and am sure it will be just another waste of time. My knees are so bad, it is now affecting my legs.
My entire being is tired as we lunge into trial preparation. Had a big meeting yesterday with the journey project, victim service and the crown. It is stirring things in me. My mind races from one thing to the next. Thought of my failed marriage that I have NEVER discuss. Thoughts of my abusive relationship. Thought of my sexual assaults. My daughters assault by a family member that was never addressed. It is all piling on. Then last night it began, I knew it would, just did not anticipate it so soon. People coming out of the woodwork pretending they care when in reality they are looking for information. If they cared so damn much where have they been for the last 3 years? Now messaging me to let me know they heard there is a date set for trial (there has been for a long long time) and to say if I need anything to let them know. Seriously? I am just ignoring such messages just like they done to me for years. But please know my brain is responding to such quackery with “Go fuck yourself!”.
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