Day 394 - January 11, 2023

Published on 30 April 2023 at 21:40
  • Lonely
  • Sad
  • Inner Pain
  • Heaviness

Had appointment with Nurse Practitioner today. Will update prescription at shoppers, sick note, and research what I can take for sleep and update at next appointment in 2 weeks.

Called the number for self referral and there was only voice mail, can not deal with talking to an answering machine right now, will try again another time.

Currently 11:30am and I have not been to bed yet!

Sometimes random thoughts pop up in my mind.  This morning’s adventure is thinking about Christmas’ past and wondering why I always handed gifts out to everyone and left myself to open mine last. When I did open them, I was by myself basically because the kids were all involved in checking out their own loot. I never wanted to open my gifts with everyone or when all eyes were on me.

Next thoughts bring me to some of the advice given to me by my mother over the years

  • Advised to stay in an abusive relationship, told that I needed to try harder.
  • Pushed a sexual assault under the rug, never acknowledged it outside of yelling at me and punishing me. Never told or even asked me about going to the police. Never talked about.

Went to bed at 1pm and woke at 7pm

Daughter went out with friends and upon her return I asked her a question, (unfortunately my lack of concentration and memory currently won’t allow me to recall exactly what it was that I asked) she ignored me, so I asked again, and she shot me such a disgusted look, it was obvious I annoyed her, and she had no tolerance for me. It is situations such as this that contribute to my not knowing how to act or respond properly on a regular basis.

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