Day 489 - April 14, 2023

Published on 13 May 2023 at 10:31

Once again income support didn’t disappoint in sending me on another spiral. How sad …how far do they push people? Do they want us all dead? Not nice at all. I am crying and upset and defeated and angry after a call to them to check on status of my application. The one I sent in isn’t good enough, the signature isn’t good enough the this isn’t good enough. Perfect just what I needed to hear. I wouldn’t be in this spot at all if what I did ever was good enough!!! FUCKERS! You wouldn’t know but they were going to give me millions of $ I am here begging and pleading for help. I have no where to go where am I going to live. Do anyone even care? Apparently not they would much rather I off myself because that is how they treat people like me. I never considered myself a delicate flower however I suppose with these mental health issues that is exactly what I am and no one cares that I lost all my petals and am wilting away. I try, I try so damn hard and keep getting knocked down.

Dept. of Children, Seniors & Social Development - DO BETTER!!!!!!

While I am absorbing the information from this call I receive a call from Service Canada. At this point they are many steps ahead of Income support. I am not a fool and know it means nothing in reality but they were POSITIVE and ENCOURAGING and gave me HOPE.  They very possible could have saved my life today. My application there all looks good at this point, and I know the hardest part is to come. The just need the medical form and another consent filled out and will mail it out to me.  The medical form was a holdback for me because NP needs me to bring it in and I had no way to print it so they are going to mail it to me. (1 less worry) was told once that is received we are looking at about 120 days but they can label it dire and it could be immediate. I am not a dreamer and do suspect the worst. But it was a little pick me up after the knock down.

So, when someone like me is dealing with mental health issues these calls within moments of each other sends emotions and brain on a rollercoaster. Recovering from highs and lows is hard but made even harder when you haven’t had a chance to recover from one to the next. It’s draining!

Had so may plans for today (nothing new there tho) and they wont happen now. Probably wouldn’t have happened anyway

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