My cousin went home yesterday.
I had an in-person appointment with NP. She is adding a medication to what I already take. (not sure I like just adding meds as a fix really but what do I know) She is filling out forms for me for insurance (on a loan) and for my disability. I already know I won’t be approved for disability due to how she is filling out the forms. She should be saying unknown when it comes to if or when I will return to work. She has no idea any more than I do on when. She put that I should be better in 6 – 12 months. How does she know this? If I am that would be awesome but if I'm not? I'm still financially unable to survive. I have to be honest. I am ready to give up. I don’t think I got anymore fight. I want to cancel upcoming appointments with her, with therapist, with OT, all of it.
Got my big $577 deposit today, lost $96 of it immediately because the bank again returned $70 worth of payments and then charged me $96 in NSF fees. Now I have $481. I owe $800 for this month’s rent. I borrowed $20 and sent $500 to my landlord. I have a few things listed for sale on the buy and sell, hoping I can get enough to cover the rest of May rent before June is due. In the list of prioritizing I think roof over the head comes first. That being said not much good to have a roof if you cant heat it, or eat in it. That is the basics my friends and I can not cover it with my big government "handout" each month.
I am going to lose my phone, internet and car very soon.
What the hell am I fighting for? So I get better in the 6 – 12 months the NP guesses. I get a job not sure how without phone car or internet. But I get one. I have already lost everything at this point, so its like starting over from the very beginning except my credit is ruined. No more car ever! No phone contract! I have so much to look forward to. Why bother.
Today I am a quitter!
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