Slept 2 hours last night.
Anxiety is coming on suddenly and tears are flowing and then it clicked, what the trigger is. Eldest daughter and her bf are here making supper for us and she turned music on. It is at a volume higher than I would have it and that is the trigger. It is like loud noise clouds my brains ability to function and gets overloaded. It feels like I am not in control of my surroundings.
Always got to focus on something to stop myself from being sad. If I am playing a game, I need a tv show or movie on so that in between my turns I can put my focus somewhere.
This evening daughter has music on so between the raised anxiety from volume and the lack of focus I am struggling. I am eyes closed head turned to fan, breathing in and out, drawing numbers in the box in my mind. I am fighting through this trigger. It is very difficult. Pain in chest. Fan, breath, journaling. REPEAT Daughter tries to have conversation with me but it is hard for me to hear her with the music. The loudness takes over my brain.
Daughter came and sat beside me to chat I had to explain that I was dealing with an anxiety trigger, she offered to turn music down and I said no. Let me fight through this…..she gave it a bit and then turned it down. I think that is a small start. I am also struggling with giving up all control and letting them cook. Little challenges.
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