Got 5 hours of broken sleep last night. Nights are getting shorter and shorter for me. I am having dreams and nightmares and am waking up in pain (knees and legs). Before I went to bed at 4 am I placed an order for dog food and laundry soap and seen turkeys for $18. I did not believe for one minute I would get one but decided if I could it would be my self care. When the order was delivered this morning there was a turkey. I actually paid only $6.51 as I had a credit of $11.49 in my account. I am hoping that cooking that turkey and the smell of it cooking may pick me up a little bit. I plan to cook it as soon as its thawed even if it is the middle of the night.
Today has been a bad stomach day. I been to the bathroom at least 15 times since I got up. This combined with the lack of sleep leaves me totally depleted. I am starting to think these “bouts” are connected to high depressive/anxious days.
I also reached out to my social worker today in hopes she can find some help for us to prepare us for this trial we have ahead of us. I get stomach sick just thinking of it. Just typing this out is bringing me all the horrible feelings inside. I have to deal with and face this in some way.
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