Sometimes I feel so angry and defeated. Today is one of those days. I am currently sitting in a virtual room on Zoom waiting for my therapist that had a session with me today at 1:30. It is now 1:55 and no sign of him. I emailed him a short bit ago to see what is happening and got no response as of yet. This makes me so fucking angry. If i missed a session or did not show up it would not be looked upon kindly at all. It would be a failure on my part, irresponsible behavior. I have NEVER missed a session. I have fought what I needed to to ensure I always showed up. Yet I sit here being discarded and no explanation given. I am being made to feel like I do not matter. My time is not important. I am angry! It is now 2pm and 30 minutes passed my schedules time. How long does one sit and wait in a virtual room before giving up? I'll be honest, I didn't really feel like doing this today. I am having a bad stomach day, cramping etc but I showed up. I have other emails happening with the Journey project and Victim Services that I need to get to but I put it aside and I showed up. I know sometimes things happen but I feel I should have been notified if this appointment was not going to happen. I am going to close out the zoom now and focus on other things I need to do. Zoom over and out at 2:06.
For the record it has been 3 years today since all hell broke loose in my life. My precious daughter endured this monster much longer than that so I guess for her it is 3 years since she started a different side of hell. I hope and pray that this year takes down the monster that destroyed us and that we can rebuild a life of happiness and joy.
Ok so today is going to hell in a basket fast. I want to scream until I can not scream anymore. In an email banter between Victim Services and the Journey Project I am discovering that our crown attorney has changed. Without notice or explanation to us. I feel we are being left in the dark here and not having a phone to communicate is not helping.
So therapist emailed me back at 2:28 and apologized for the mix up. He then gave me a 20 minute session and set me up again for Friday. He was eating and looking at his screen during our time and totally misinterpreted something I said. At least I got to vent a little. I am still in the dark however.
Had a brief meeting with The Journey Project that set my mind at ease a bit. This is all becoming VERY overwhelming as we prepare for trial.
Eldest daughter is panicking as the police reached out to her trying to get a hold of me and lil bit with information about trial. She is also being subpoenaed as a witness.
I silly danced momentarily from my chair.
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