The mental health system continues to fail people of this province. There are so many people out there desperate for help, people who are working very hard to heal and become better and we have a system that continuously turns their backs on them.
I do not know how to explain what I am feeling today because there is every emotion running through me simultaneously. You see I had a therapy appointment scheduled for today. It was well needed and something I have been waiting for since I was triggered by my mother and started spewing. The Random feelings of anger run deep and HURT. I NEEDED this appointment. I got through these last couple weeks waiting for this appointment. Then last night I check my email and said appointment is cancelled. I know shit happens, people get sick or have family emergencies. So what happens to that one patient who is hanging by a thread waiting on such an appointment...let me tell you this could be enough to make someone say fuck it. It brings up all the feelings of I am not important enough, my feelings do not matter, everything and everyone comes before me. I am supposed to be healing from this and learning how to undo such beliefs of myself. Yet here I sit feeling like I am totally alone in this world. No one cares. No one truly cares!
This is what healing looks like.
While I understand that stuff happens. People get sick, have their own life to deal with etc.... Being a person of deep empathy and understanding I get that. I can literally feel that. BUT that is not a free pass to dismiss MY feelings. I am angered, disappointed, and HURT. Of course the cancellation of this appointment alone is not the actual reason for those feelings. The cancellation of the appointment is, however, the reason for the TRIGGER. A trigger that set me on a very bad day. While a bad day tho, it is a healing day. A day that has allowed me to see that I have what is needed to deal with what could very well have been a catastrophic event ( as my brain seen it). Did I get here perfectly? It doesn't matter. Here I am!
Add comment
Comments