As the days click closer to verdict day my emotions get more out of control. I hate it! 3 days, and I am terrified. Not only do we get a verdict in 3 days, we will also get a response to the Jordan Application. So technically he can be found guilty and moments later they can stay all charges. I honestly don't know if I can handle that! Of course he could also be found not guilty and then the answer to the Jordon application won't even be needed. I get sick thinking about it. Anxiety builds. I just went into the kitchen to make some supper and while looking for a pot all the pots tipped out onto the floor. I felt so much rage over that. Not only are they all on the floor, I can not pick them up because of my knee pain. I walked away, sputtering and decided I do not need to eat this bad. No matter the outcome on the 27th, this chapter of the book closes. Question is does it start all over again or will we finally get a chance to really start healing from this. No matter the result, this will not be the end. I have been silenced for way to long. My voice will be heard and I do not plan on holding anything back. There are a lot of people who are due to take some accountability. There are many who failed both my child and myself. The cost to us has been very high (I am not talking $ cost, even tho it has cost us that too). I just got to get through these next 3 days. I think I can! I think I can! ...........I WILL.
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