A Glimmer

Today was a pretty okay day. It started after 6 hours sleep at 7:15am. I wanted to go back to sleep but my body and mind were awake. No sense in fighting that. I read a chapter in my book (The Emotionally Absent Mother) and had therapy this afternoon. My therapist noticed a difference in my appearance. That was good for me. I started a sourdough starter today. That is something I have never done. I am excited to see how this project goes. I also found a nice little chair yoga/workout on you tube that I done this evening. I know I need some movement in my life and that walking to and from the bathroom (or fridge) is not enough.

I have learned something important the past little while. That the life I am living, even if I am isolated from the world and living in an apartment, is mine and I get to chose how to feel about it. I can live this life miserable or I can chose to be happy with it. Today I chose happy. I also am understanding that just because I am happy with exactly the way my life is right now, in this moment, it doesn't mean that I am better. It doesn't mean I can run out and go shopping or make friends or hang out. The healing for me is that I no longer need to worry about what someone else will think. They don't need to understand it, I do! I realized that I was worried if I started doing well at home that people would expect me to do well all over. That I was better, cured. I am doing better this past little while, no doubt about it. I also am smart enough to know there are still bad days ahead. For now I am seeing a glimmer and I will take that.