Day 389 - January 7, 2023

• Overwhelmed

I feel so overwhelmed when looking at the mess and knowing I must clean it. I contributed to it no doubt but so did 2 others. I struggle enough to look after myself these days and it is near impossible for me to keep up with pulling the weight of 2 more. (Adults at that) I know what I need! I just don’t have anything left of me to deal with the negative, stress, hate, and push back I will receive if I make it clear to those who need to hear it. This journaling is helping me understand what it is I need at this phase of my life and what I need to aid in improving my mental health. I need calm and peace. I need to not have to worry about negative, hate, hurtful things. I need this calm so as my brain and body can start healing/recovering from the years of trauma it has taken. For me it is comparable to a person who has been violently beaten they require total rest to heal, sometimes requiring induced coma to let the brain heal uninterrupted, peacefully.

I need to be able to start my healing peacefully!!!

I need time without any negative! 

I am broken badly!

I want to be better!

I want to do better!

I want to be happy!

I want to feel loved!

I want to feel like I mean something to someone!

I have suffered in silence now I want to heal in silence

Don’t want to make my children feel like I do by dealing with things incorrectly