November 9, 2023

Feeling very anxious and sad today. How could I not. I took my last Escitalopram (anti anxiety/depression medication) last evening and have none for today or the following days ahead. I am normally stressed and anxious enough just having to call in and have the pharmacy fill the prescription and then find (and ask) someone to go pick them up for me. Since my phone is currently cut off I have no way to call and even order. I have been wracking my brain to try and figure this out. I always figure things out right? Not this time I just can not and know that going forward without my medication is going to be bad. This is not good ,so lets just add more to it, I made a promise to pay with my internet company for today and another for Monday (you do what you got to do to survive even for one more day) I do not have the $46 I promised to pay today. I assume by the weekend we will not only be without a phone but we will be without internet as well and will have zero communication to the outside world. I can not borrow money because I have no earthy way to pay it back. Lets just throw the fact that our food is also very limited here. I boiled 4 out of the 6 eggs I have left this morning. One each for my daughter and I for breakfast and 1 each for us later in the day as a sandwich. I do have a $100 gift card here for Dominion that my social worked got for me through the mental health and addictions service (bless her heart). However, you can not use it online and not only have I not been out in public to shop in well over a year, I have no means to go anyway. How the bloody hell is someone supposed to heal from the trauma and anxiety and depression? All the mental health resources and programs fail to include the financial struggles associated with mental health issues. We are left to the lions to figure this out and I can be given all the tools in the world if I am not given tools, tips or tricks to get through the financial struggles associated with mental health then how am I to heal? In less than a year I have lost my job, had my car repossessed, I have sold some of my belongings, I am behind on rent, I usually alternate between phone and internet being cut, had to use a food bank, post on a public forum begging to get my senior dog groomed and to have someone pick up my medications. I have had to go on welfare, I know it is now called income support but lets face it its WELFARE! I have been denied disability from my employer (before they let me go) and denied Canada Pension disability. I have an individual therapist, an occupational therapist, a social worker and attend a group therapy session every Tuesday (a 10 week program) and have been referred to start an intensive Trauma program sometime this winter ( 32 weeks). I feel like I have been degraded to a level I am not sure I can recover from. Here's to me!