December 16, 2023

Published on 16 December 2023 at 19:09

I have been in so much pain with my knees. I kept waking up all night  in pain. I was in bed for 5 hours and may have gotten 3 hours sleep in total. If I am being honest I have many health issues bothering me today. I have been having stomach/bowel issues. Today is no exception and this is causing me hemorrhoids which hurt like hell. So between knee pain, tiredness, and a sore bottom I am miserable. I can barely get myself up off recliner to get to the bathroom. This is frustrating!

I am also so angry/upset. I shared with my mother a little about the upcoming trial. I was in a “state” at the time. She said that after Christmas she would come stay with me for as long as I needed. I never did agree to this. I really need to process and it is hard. I know she wants to be helpful and means well (or am I blinded). I feel guilt that I do not want her here that long. I get anxiety and stress thinking about it but I just don't know how to tell her no without hurting her. Then today I was talking to my cousin over Facebook messenger and she tells me her mom visited her today and said that my mother was coming to be with me after Christmas because I had court and needed to use her car. There you have it, the reason my mother isn't to be trusted. She blabs everything to everyone. This is MY life and MY story to share. I can only imagine that my entire family and her entire family and everyone knows by now. I am PISSED! Some people have no sense.

How the hell can I ever have peace?

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