I have been very bad at keeping up. I think I just took a break. A break from thinking, and feeling and being. I have been on autopilot, just functioning. Surviving each day has proven to be all I can muster lately. My knees have been terrible and this contributes to my being defeated. Stomach/bowel problems keep me in a blah no energy state. Yet here I am. Fighting! Trying! Yesterday I had so much hope for today. So many things I was going to accomplish and here I am doing everything I can not to go back to bed. (currently it is 1:30pm) Bad cramps woke me from my sleep this morning and then after a battle with the toilet I felt weak, sick and drained. (I did win this battle today unlike yesterday). I continuously think of all I wanted to accomplish today and then feel total defeat. I have to believe that it is ok if I do not get things done today. Tomorrow is a new day, Right? This battle in my head goes round and around. I feel useless and lazy. This contributes to the state of my mental health. The circle is vicious!
- No updates court, we are supposed to be back on Feb 22 to see if all charges will proceed or if some will be dropped. I have no feelings on this at the moment as I noted above, I have shut down/shut off.
- I have been (mostly) good about putting music on each day and doing a little foolishness to the beats for a few moments.
- I ordered myself some new double pointed knitting needles and some yarn with intentions to start making some mittens. I would like to be able to build up a little stock so as lil bit can set up an Etsy shop next fall to start trying to earn a few much needed $. I know in theory this sounds Ike a fabulous plan and it is. However when you are me it brings anxiety. I never feel like my work is good enough. I have a hard time following through with the things I start. The intentions are good but as we all know the saying “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.
- Lil bit seems to be having a great run with this semester of University. I could never express how proud I am of her. She is one tiny but mighty, strong, resilient, and brave young woman. She is proving that you can be knocked down and get back up. She can move mountains this girl. I wish you could all know her like I do.
- I am grateful for the game Colonist: The Settlers of Catan it is what keeps me busy when I am unable to do anything else. It makes me use my brain to strategize and keeps the overthinking thoughts at bay.
I am now off to play. Enjoy your day!
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